Podcast, Short story

A Campus Love story

Happy Valentines day to my faithful readers, I’m always surprised when you like/view my posts. I love you guys. I wrote this short story for the occasion. Enjoy!

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It is the month of February, the supposed time of Spring, a dawn of new beginnings. When the cold bitter weather is supposed to transition into that fresh new season. The flower buds are becoming more visible, the insects livelier, and there is that odd peal of sunlight that escapes the grey clouds and momentarily warms everyone’s hearts.

Yes, it is the month of February, the season of love.

For most students they are finally adjusting to their lives after their eventful or otherwise uneventful Christmas break. Tales of who got drunk here and there and other wintery break escapades have already been told and the festive fervour that was declining has gradually been rekindled with the excitement that the season of love brings.

In a certain accommodation near Cathays Campus a bunch of students sit around an elongated table in their flat, they’re eating breakfast. It’s a simple spread of toast, sausages, some baked beans and the occasional scrambled egg. It’s a peaceful scene, the guys and girls discuss what their schedules are for the day, what lectures they need to go to, just daily life things. But then this scene is disrupted by a sudden yell from one of the girls.

“What’s wrong!” Guy A asks, a concerned look on his face.

“It’s a bit early to be melodramatic isn’t it, Beth.” Guy B chides

“Guys!” Beth exclaims raising her phone into the air and putting it into their faces. “Look, look!”

Both Guy A and B and the other students look at her screen blankly, “Is there supposed to be something intriguing about your lock screen wallpaper?” Guy B asks.

“Look at the date!” Beth exclaims, “It’s February the 8th, the 8th!”

“Yh, and?” someone asks.

“It’s nearly Valentines day and I’m still single.” Beth cries. There was a serious expression on her face as she said this statement, which lead to an eruption of laughter from all her flatmates.

“That’s not a big deal at all, I thought you had a real problem.” Guy A rolls his eyes.

“Stop wasting our time” Guy B moans, many of the other students at breakfast agree, still sniggering amongst themselves.

“It’s not a joke guys, I am deadly serious!” Beth shouts, “I’m 19 and I have never had a boyfriend for Valentines day, don’t you think this is wrong?”

“I think no one cares.”

Beth ignores him, “Who here wants to be my Valentines date!?” she asks looking at every one of her flatmates in the eyes.

There is a deafening silence.

She stares at them and they stare at her. After one whole minute, she slumps into her chair and glumly sighs, “I see.” She then proceeds to grab her bag and leave the flat.

“Well that was awkward”

“She’s such a drama queen, just ignore her.”

“I already have a girlfriend what was she expecting me to say…”The flat bursts into discussion whilst Beth sulkily exits, walking in the direction of the student union.

She mutters under her breathe. “Has romance died, geez.”

Her head a bit down, she doesn’t care about her surroundings as she gets near to the local Subway store, leading her to walk straight into someone. A loud bang is heard as they collide.

“Ouch ow ow ow, oh my god I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“It’s fine, neither was I.” A deep voice responds.

Beth looks up at the male stranger, smiling brightly.

The end

This short story will air in the upcoming Valentines special episode of  my podcast series ‘Seasonal stories’ stay tuned. I was trying out a new writing style when I wrote this, tell me if it sounded okay.

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Flash Fiction, Short story

The Pursuit of finding a Soulmate #2

Just a reminder to readers, this is fiction.

Log 2. Hypocrisy,

Hey guys!

The greeting is rhetorical by the way. I know I don’t have an audience. If anyone does end up reading this in the future, I’ll probably be rolling around in my grave. Yep definitely 6ft under.

I forgot I started this thing to be honest. I wanted to make a place to put these useless thoughts and feelings of mine and I thought, ‘hey why don’t you start a diary’. I’ve never tried to make these things before, it just seemed a waste of time.  Yet now that I’m old I see the increasing value in a diary, it’s a place to vent.

The frustrations of adulthood make me want to jump straight in front of a car sometimes, I mean I wouldn’t do that (probably- don’t tempt me), but with all the problems piling up lately I need a place to put all these feelings or I might explode.

Writing these things is a thousand times better than talking to people. People can be so annoying, they always want something from you whether that be your attention, your time, your love, your energy. They can be angered by even the smallest thing you do, even if you didn’t intend to anger them. Being around people is like walking on egg shells. People are just so fragile. I hate dealing with them.

Even as I write this in my usual background of Starbucks I see all these people socialising with one another and just the sight of those couples, colleagues or friends just give me such a migraine.

Funny enough I feel kind of lonely, like I’m missing out. I guess I’m a hypocrite.

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Flash Fiction, Short story

The Pursuit of finding a Soulmate #1

I’ve been having writers block lately. So in the process of trying to emerge from this writers block I began writing this Mini-series called ‘The Pursuit of finding a soulmate’. Enjoy.

Log 1. Day whatever

It’s a dreary October morning. The weather report claimed there would be clear skies and a little bit of sun, the weather report lied. As I write rain is sliding down the clear windows and I see people running in panic, reaching for their umbrellas, and shivering whilst I drink my Latte in Starbucks.

I sit on my little stool, typing this dumb diary and slurp my latte loudly, causing a few bemused or aggravated stares my way, but I don’t care.

My insomnia is getting worse. I didn’t sleep a wink last night because I couldn’t stop thinking about him, that man I ran into the other night, he was gorgeous. Well, there are also those other concerns that keep me awake at night, but when I wasn’t having my panic attacks I was squealing into my pillow thinking about that charming smile.

I wonder if we’ll ever hold hands together, maybe we’ll kiss, perhaps falling into each other’s sweet embrace. We would know each other better than we know ourselves, a love that would never wear out as time passes.

Who am I kidding. He probably doesn’t even remember my name.

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Blog updates, Lifestyle Editorials

Feeling Confident

So this year I am going to be confident, and creative and super pretty. And I will persevere and get everything I aim for.

You know it feels more set in stone when you write your goals down. And although these targets aren’t very specific, they are targets for the future all the same.

So because of that I’ve been taking a lot of selfies lately.

A few months ago I was feeling pretty upset about my appearance, perhaps because I didn’t (still don’t) have a boyfriend, or I find myself comparing myself to my friends a lot.

I know and realise that I must love myself and life isn’t meant to be lived for others but for you. I live for me and I need to be more confident. Hence I’ve been more confident, I’ve been posting a lot more selfies on my instragram and I’ve been telling myself ‘I’m pretty’ and ‘hey good looking’ in the morning. Not because I’m narcissistic (although I may be becoming a little vain), but because telling yourself these things everyday makes you more happy and ready to gang up on the world.

So here are some of the selfies I’ve been taking lately. I believe that vanity is a cure for the weak hearted and those lacking in confidence.

So for all my readers let’s be confident and vain and a tad narcissistic and take a lot of selfies for 2018.

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Blog updates, Flash Fiction

The Art of Moving on.

When I was younger, a time in the more distant past, I considered myself quite the hoarder. I would collect items such as old tickets or toys that reminded me of old friends or fond memories.

It was my way of keeping in touch with the things I’d felt I’d lost.

But one day I realised that the truly precious things never really leave you, lessons that you properly learn remain in your heart for an eternity, and your experiences shape you into the person you are.

If the truly precious things are always with you, then I thought you don’t need to feel upset over a lost momento.

I realised that the truly strong can throw those things away and still keep moving forward no matter what.

That’s why the present me, doesn’t remain caught up in the matters of the past but can easily (well after a bit of time leave matters in the past).

I am someone training in the ‘Art of Moving on’ .

This art is more useful and necessary in life than you’d think. It gives you the ability to forgive, to persevere and to value yourself.

The reason why I was never the kid who furiously cried over bad grades and setbacks. The reason I will never be that suicide jumper in front of a train or that individual being walked over and taken advantage of is because of this art of moving on.

At first it was simply letting go of unnecessary items but then it became letting go of regrets, letting go of restraints and beginning to value myself.

The Art of Moving on allows you to be someone that is never held back from the painful things in life, but can grow and move forward from it. Untethered, always able to try your best and be free.

Although I can’t claim to be a person that isn’t unaffected by sad events. I do have regrets and fears but I don’t let them hold me back from being happy. I use them to evolve myself into a better me each day.

I hope you’ve somewhat understood what I’ve meant by this post.

During the year of 2017 I faced some challenges with personal relationships and school work but I’ve been able to persevere through them by moving past them. And in this year of 2018 I aim to continue using this art of ‘moving on’ and getting past issues and become a stronger person.

Thank you for reading ‘The Art of Moving On’.

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Blog updates

He loves me, he loves me not…

One day I decided that I don’t want to be the type of person that holds back. I don’t want to keep my feelings contained inside. That’s why I try to be outspoken, outspoken to the point that I’m almost blunt, perhaps even rude or even brash. To me being an outspoken person is being someone who is strong, someone who is honest in their relationships, someone who is living their life true to themselves. Even though I don’t always accomplish this I feel satisfied and less anxious by living my life this way.

Shrek says ‘It’s better out than in’ and I personally don’t think there has ever been a truer saying. Bottling in your feelings just creates this well of self-loathing and over-analysing that will just lead to depression. I want to love myself and live happily and healthily.

Of course being outspoken comes with its problems….in this case I’m referring to the romantic kind.

When I get even the smallest amount of romantic feelings for someone and I feel that they might reciprocate these feelings, rather than agonising over it I tend to put it out in the open and state it. ‘I like you’

I have a tendency to confess. Of course I say tendency but it isn’t something that happens often, I don’t like people that easily, so I don’t tend to confess. But the problem with trying to be an outspoken person all the time is that most of the time my lips move before my brain catches up with it and before I could do anything I said those words to him.

‘I LIKE YOU’

Now if you read my previous post, the one before this, you’ll know that I don’t really have any actual romantic experience and that this confession didn’t go particularly well. I mean he hugged me and I got my hopes up, only for him to say he’s seeing someone right now, but they’re not his girlfriend and he still wants to hang out.

This left me more than a but confused.

Especially because I think we look nice together, we share the same hobbies, we get on great and he’s always giving me cuddles and he never gave me any inclination that he was seeing someone.

When I told my friends about this they gave me mixed responses.

M: ‘If he says he’s seeing someone but she isn’t his girlfriend then that means he’s just being respectful right and he’s not serious about this girl. The option is still open for you he just needs to deal with the person he’s currently seeing’

B: ‘You guys are so cute together, just wait it out and keep being friends. There’s no rush.”

J: ‘He’s a player, he’s two timing you and doing those mind-games. He’s eastern European as well, they just love doing those mind games on girls and they can’t express themselves properly. Trust me girl, I told you about my past experience. Jump off the sinking ship while you can.’

Honestly I don’t know who to listen to. M made me hopeful, B calmed me down and made me wait, and J just made me worried. But the thing is I’m more inclined to believe J because I don’t know who this chick that he’s supposedly seeing is or whether she even exists. Plus if you’re seeing a girl why would you be hugging and hanging out with another girl unless you’re playing with them. Also when we started messaging he approached me first when talking, yet lately it feels like I’m the one that has to initiate and continue conversation and I’m a bit fed up.

That sad thing is I really like him.

So what do you think guys, should I jump off the sinking ship? Does he like me or is he messing with me?

Thanks for reading, please comment I’m in need of some serious advice.

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Blog updates, Flash Fiction

My Rotting heart.

It was as he held me in his arms as if I were his dearest love, and showed me companionship I never felt before that I was convinced that he was mine…

I am still naive and I still have an innocent heart of sorts and lack experience in those more mature type of relationships. Perhaps that’s why with only a few sweet words, only a few compliments thrown my way, and your dazzling smile my heart already melted for you.

Normally I try to hide myself away in the depths of my emotions. I don’t like getting attached, those 2D character from games, anime, and cartoons serve as the best type of love I should have. I convince myself that that is for the best because I generally have nothing else that I want more.

Usually I would have the occasional fancy, ‘oh he’s hot’ or ‘I would like that’ but passing fancy is all it is. I’m too much of an awkward human to ever really go further in a romance.

Honestly the most I’ve done is gone on two dates with another human being, held hands with them, had a small first peck for a first kiss. Then be told actually we were better off as friends. I guess I freaked him out, I guess I was forcing my hobbies and my tendencies on someone who didn’t share the same traits as myself. I felt that was unfair, they asked me out yet I was the one that had to deal with the ending and had no power over any of it.

Because of that I lost my confidence.

I don’t have the courage to like another person. ‘They don’t honestly think I’m pretty. They don’t honestly like me. They’ll realise how weird I am and that will be the end of that.’ Is what I always think.

But then You somehow shuffled into my life with your profound knowledge of the things that I love best. Telling me I’m pretty, giving me hugs every time we meet, telling me that I’m weird, but that’s okay. liking the characters I like, enjoying my jokes. Telling me that ‘any man that didn’t date you or dumped you is obviously missing out’.

For someone as naive as me I fall for things like that very quickly. I wanted to be content with being your friend but I ended up wanting that tiny bit more. That tiny bit more which I had already told myself I’d given up on. That tiny bit more which I watched daily in the lives of my favourite characters or jealously at the ones in real life.

After talking to my therapy guru I mustered the courage to confess to you. You gave me a hug and my heart fluttered. I was so light. So hopeful.

But then you said ‘sorry I can’t, not now. I’m seeing someone…but I don’t want us to change. I want to continue hanging out with you.’ You told me not to be upset. You said they’re not your girlfriend just someone you’re seeing at the moment and you want to be fair to them .

But unbeknown to you I’ve already hidden myself in my heart again. Sure we’ll still hang out. But now every time I see you I’ll feel this tinge of melancholy. I’ve already returned to my world of 2D characters and reading my manga.

I hate real people.

I wonder if romantic love is real.

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