Blog updates

Happy Halloween!!!!

Tis the season to be scary, to be jolly to have some creepy fun.

I love Halloween!๐ŸŽƒ ๐ŸŽƒ

Some people say to me that they find Halloween too scary. Someone actually told me once that they believed only Satanists could enjoy Halloween, which in my opinion is absolute stupidity. Then again she was a five year old girl and her father was the pastor of a church so her delusions can be forgiven, but still It’s not like we run around like deranged maniacs singing paganist songs.

I am, hopefully like the rest of you reading this blog, a normal person that celebrates Halloween for its enjoyable conventions, not summoning the undead.

For example I have the best time collecting sweets of all kinds despite the fact that I’m probably too old to be doing so.

Like most of us during the spooky season I enjoy drsssing up as any fantasy character I so desire and being entirely accepted for it. Unlike the weird looks you get on a train when travelling to a comic con convention, everyone is perfectly comfortable with your extra, and perhaps insane appearance. Because the season allows society to accept your craziness, even if it is for only one week or a day.

On Halloween you can go to mad parties with your friends. One of my friends went as a samurai when we went to a club recently and was waving his sword all over the place, drunk out of his mind, and not a soul batted their eyes.

Generally Halloween I believe is an innocent season where you have the ability to express yourself, eat as much sweets as you want and have all kinds of fun with your friends.

So all my dear readers have a fab Halloween!!!!

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Blog updates

My blackhole of feelings.

Do I actually have friends, I used to wonder this.

The same people that say they are my friends will exclude me from things, hang out amongst themselves and then when confronted they’d make excuses. When I thought I’d left one set of friends that made me feel this way I ran into another set of people that did the same. Leaving me trapped in my anxiety.

I can’t help but wonder, am I only an accessory to them, just someone they can have around to hype up their evening. When I’ve made them feel good and happy they forget about me. They use me for their own convenience.

It’s especially hard when one of them only uses you to moan about their feelings, never ever considering that you too may have feelings. Never considering that their words may make you upset and tired from their self-centred and contrived actions.

Am I really a human being then? Perhaps I am not. Perhaps I am just another fleeting thought. Perhaps I mean nothing to anyone.

I try to stay positive. I tell myself I’m fine, I have a family that loves me, isn’t that enough? I try hard in my studies, I always do my absolute best no matter what, isn’t that enough?

Yet why do I feel like there is a black hole where my heart should be. I want to cry but no tears come from my eyes just waves upon waves of panic.

I want to be loved by everyone, does that make me attention seeking? I want to be friends with everyone, I try so hard to be the positive and happy person but that only makes me come off as weird and awkward and embarrassing, right?

I have no one to talk to. Or more like I’m too afraid to directly talk to anyone. I’m worried they’ll think I’m seeking attention, I’m worried they’ll continue to ignore me.

I have spoken before. I have told people my feelings.

Yet I just get hit with โ€œBabes I wasn’t doing that.โ€ or โ€œIf you’d just told me I was making you feel like that I would have done something different.โ€ or โ€œDon’t worry about that I’m here for you.โ€

You don’t understand. Those words don’t reassure me. Instead they make me feel expectant. They make me believe in you more, value you more. So that when you fail me I feel 10x more disappointed, isolated and neglected.

I will probably never tell you how you’ve made me feel or what you did. To you its likely something small. Like not talking to me for a day or a week because you assumed I was ‘busy’, hanging out and making plans without me, not messaging me.

To you my feelings are secondary.

I’ll probably bottle it inside and the next time you see me I’ll smile. I’ll never let it on that I’m hurting that you’ve made me feel like utter shit. Because I am the type of person that bottles emotions inside. After I mention it once I seldom mention it twice.

I feel trapped in my mind in a shell of constant worries and most nights I can’t sleep because of it. The insomnia makes me tired, my anemia increases that tiredness and the anxiety puts me further on edge, yet I’ll still smile at you and act like everything’s okay. When it isn’t.

The only person that made me stable that removed these concerns was my sister, but now that we’re separated I feel myself going off the deep end. I don’t want to bother her with my problems, I miss her deeply.

I’m hurting. I want a hugโ€ฆ I want a lot more than thatโ€ฆ I want some type of helpโ€ฆ. That’s what I’m asking for in actuality. This is just one big cry for help that isn’t directed at one single person, but actually all my friends.

These are my feelings.

Sad thing is, I know none of you actually care that deeply, or check up on me, it’s unlikely any of you will ever read this other than random strangers or my close familyโ€ฆdo I have any real friends?

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Anime, Travel Writing

A Hyper Japan Journey! (2017)

 

This Summer I had my first ever journey to Hyper Japan, an event that I had been highly anticipating for over a year, and it most definitely lived up to my expectations.

For those who don’t know what Hyper Japan is, it is a festival held in London, it is the UK’s largest event that celebrates Japanese culture and cuisine. It is held twice a year, in summer (Summer festival)and winter (Hyper Japan Christmas market.) At Hyper Japan you can experience live concerts by Japanese celebrities, and experience Japanese food, anime, Japanese gaming and clothing.

The day was the 14th of July. My Sister and I woke up especially early that Friday Morning so as to iron our outfits, put on our contact lenses and be super extra and kawaii for the day. The journey began as I ran to the train station with my sister and bought my London day travel card. Whilst waiting at the station we took cute selfies and then headed towards London. We got off at Limehouse and then took the DLR to Shadwell.

It was at this point that google maps told us to to walk to the venue and that it would take 4 minutes or less, however since my sister and I are hopeless at directions we had no idea which way google maps was taking us until I saw people that were dressed in cosplay or just had that ‘I-am-going-to-a-japanese-convention-vibe’ around them. We were so hyped we practically leaped on them, asking them whether they were also attending ‘Hyper Japan’ and we were delighted when they said ‘yes’.

We began exchanging names as we walked, two of the people we met there was a lovely girl that I’ll call C and a tall boy with green hair that I’ll call S. They both seemed so much more composed then my sister and myself that I assumed that they were older than us. So you can imagine my face when they told us they were 16. They were such wonderful people, so much so that we became instant friends and ended up spending the entire day together.

When we eventually reached Tobacco Dock we lined up, and I must tell you that in comparison to other events which I’ve attended the line for Hyper Japan went very quickly and smoothly. I think we barely stood for 10 minutes before the line started moving and even when it stopped it was brief.

The first thing that you’ll see when you get into Hyper Japan are the super Kawaii merch stores. They sell Japanese influenced designed shirts, anime posters, hair pins, accessories, pins, DVD’s you name it. Also as you walk around you can also see a lot of decora fashion trends and Decora girls and boys. I love Decora girls I think they’re so cute, I myself have never had the time try out the fashion trend, and I’m not sure if I could do it as successfully as I lack the experience and my make-up skills still have a long way to go. I am quite annoyed because I only attended Hyper Japan for the Friday session and I really wanted to meet Kurebayashi (an instagram star and famous Decora girl) however as much as I searched for her on Friday I wasn’t able to meet her.

There were also many cute cosplayers and general people milling around that came to enjoy the culture of the event which I met and had a great time with.

I myself bought a lot of posters, t-shirts, sake, chopsticks, pocky and some CD’s of some of the Japanese artists that I like such at the Gazette, The Age of Civil wars, and Toriena. I was especially excited that I got to meet The Age of Civil wars and Toriena at Hyper Japan, they performed live and it was so amazing, in the pictures above you can see me posing with them. I also met the lead vocalist for a band I like named Broken Doll, Sachi was so lovely and she took a group picture with myself and my friends.

Then there were the Tokyo Rickshaws!!!! They were the kindest people ever, they were so talented at singing, dancing and they were all so handsome (taking my mind out of the gutter) they were so awesome and lovely. The Hyper Japan official website describes them as— “Visit the traditional neighbourhood of Asakusa in Tokyo, and youโ€™re sure to see rickshaws rolling around, snug tourists being pulled along by strong young men known as โ€œshafu.โ€ Tokyo Rickshaw is made of of four such men, who have taken the art of being โ€œshafuโ€ to a whole other level. Combining exciting music and acrobatics, this dance/music/acrobatic unit presents an unforgettable stage show embodying the spirit of Japanese-ness! “

Then there is also Toriena, I am mentioning her again because I absolutely love her, I don’t listen to trap or dubstep music often but when it comes to her I am all over it. Her music is just so fun to listen to and she is so kind!!! When she autographed my CD she said she liked my hat and that I was ‘kawaii!!’ I nearly died.

Then there was SHIN, former vocalist of the Visual Kei band ViViD. I was really looking forward to seeing him there on Friday, and I not only got to see him live I also got to get his autograph and he is amazing. I didn’t get a clear video of his performance but this is a very good one that an amazing human uploaded.

You know that moment of tranquility you have when you’re at home, you’re heart is at peace and you feel like you found the destination you truly belong. That is how I feel every time I attend a Japanese or anime-related event. When I am surrounded by people of like-minds, where you can freely express your interests without being judged, where you can have a good time and embrace a new culture. That was the thrilling tranquil part I loved about Hyper Japan.

And as I went home with the new friends I made that day (and my sister) I found myself determined to enjoy such an event again. When the sun set on July 14th it also set on a satisfying and fantastic day.

This was supposed to be a more controlled piece of writing, but as I’ve been busy working lately I didn’t have much time to post lately or spend writing this, so it has ended up being more of a fun post listing the great things about Hyper Japan. But I hope these list of experiences show you how fun Hyper Japan is, and you can put it on your list of festivals you want to attend.

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