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There are always comrades in life.

Whenever you believe no one cares, you’re wrong.

Its funny to believe that in a world filled with millions to billions of people, you’re alone. That none of them care about you.

That line of thought in general is irrational. It’s statistically impossible, because your single life in one way or another has affected the lives thousands of people.

Yet this irrational line of thought is one that I kept returning to in my anxiety.

I understand and I constantly remind myself that there are many people that care about my existence.

There are many people that care about your existence but you’re just not aware.

When you’re in your darkest place, in your black hole of emotions there will always be someone there, there will always be someone that will notice. Someone that will ask after you. Reach their hand out to you. Someone to be your real friend, your place of sanctuary, your family.

It is mine, and also your job to notice the people that care. The longer you stay in your isolated little bubble of depression, thinking that no one cares about you is the longer you ignore the people that actually do care and are there for you.

Recently I started my first year of University and I’m facing the challenges of undergraduate life. Being seperated from my friends and family led me to periods of weird anxiety because I was feeling inexplicably lonely and pitying myself because I felt that I had no friends and that even If I did they didn’t care. Those kinds of negative thoughts were making me tired and sad.

I don’t like being sad or tired, I like being the positive person that makes others laugh. That refreshing breeze on a summer morning or the comforting moonlight on the darkest night. That is the type of person I want to be. Someone reliable.

During this recent Month of University I have made many friends, I have met amazing people and they noticed when I was feeling down. They noticed when I was feeling ill. I have smiled brightly and have remained positive.

They cared.

My lifetime bestfriend messages me, my family calls me. I am not alone.

I know I am loved.

There will always be people around me and around you, that will care. Knowing that they’re there makes me so much stronger.

It may seem dumb to write down ‘you’re not alone’, ‘someone cares’, as it seems so obvious. Yet actually it’s a fact so easily forgotten.

Remember you’re loved.

Have a great day xxxx

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Anime, Travel Writing

A Journey to Comic con- 2014

 

2014, the year after Attack on Titan drove millions to insanity, the year of the horse, the year of Noragami, Kill la kill and Space Dandy was also the year that I went to my first ever Comic Con Convention. There I met the most amazing people, saw the most amazing cosplays, and even ran into my favourite Youtuber, Gigguk. I can wholeheartedly say that it was my favourite time of 2014

Going back to memories of that year, the blissful rose-coloured cherry scented times of youth. I remember I had planned this day for, what felt at the time in my 14 year old mind, an eternity. I had circled it on my Calendar and pre-ordered as well as modified my maid cosplay just for the day. It was in my birthday month and thus, for me, this comic-con was a coming of age ceremony of sorts.

The day began at 8:00 am with the ‘ding-dong-ding-dong’ of the door bell being rung as my friends, dressed to impress, gathered together at my house for the thrilling event. My Mother armed with her phone began taking pictures of us all, cooing and ahhhing as we went into all kinds of poses at the sound of ‘say cheese.’ Then after checking we all had everything, with excitement in the air and the buzz of summer on the horizon we began our journey to MCM london Comic con.

Walking to the local Tilbury train station early in the morning I’m certain we had a few glances in our direction with our unique costumes/dress sense. I definitely remember a few children that went to the local primary school cheering on my little brother who was dressed in his little knight outfit waving his plastic sword around.

At the station my Mum bought the tickets, being barely 15 at the time along with my friends, and with my brother in tow my Mother took it upon herself to be the responsible adult that would guide us along our journey to Comic con. Like an angel guiding lost souls to heaven my Mother was the definition of organised and responsible. Getting us all on the train in a timely manner as we travelled towards London.

I remember watching the rural countryside on the train transition into the urban lands of London. As modern teenagers do I began taking selfies with my friends on their blackberries and Samsung. As the train continued I remember the automated female voice saying ‘We are now approaching West Ham’, then as we looked out the window there were what felt like thousands of cosplayers or Comic con adventurers on the platform. I think they were looking for another train to the same location, some were getting on the same train we were on, as it also went to the same destination. It was a wonderful sight to see, so many dressed in wonderful cosplay, or wearing shirts/clothing that signified they were players of ‘LOL’ or ‘World of Warcraft’ and others.

I felt a sense of belonging as I gazed at that crowd. Despite never being bullied for watching Anime not many of my friends were into it, even the ‘best friends’ I was travelling with didn’t quite understand my fascination with anime in general. It was at this point when I had a comforting realisation that there were probably many that shared the same hobbies as I did. I had assumed that it was just my sister and myself  that would rush home from school just to binge watch an anime or suffer from serious withdrawal symptoms after finishing a good series. Yet as the train left West Ham and continued on its way, I felt any assumptions of strange teenage loneliness disappearing. I realised that the throbbing anticipation in my heart to get to Comic-con was a valid sensation.

After we got off at Limehouse station we practically ran to the DLR, I don’t even remember why we ran, there was no reason too. Perhaps it was because my excited 5 year old brother rushed forward first and we all ran after him in hot pursuit. Or perhaps we were running with him, caught in the heat of blood-boiling excitement that the earlier sight had brought to us.

We travelled down steep stairs, through the barriers then up onto another set of steeper stairs. My mother striding with a confident atmosphere around us, assuring us that were in the right place and on the right platform. But, what assured us more was when we spotted people that were dressed similarly to us in their elaborate and expensive cosplays that I could only ever dream of being able to afford or craft. They were laughing with each other and when we made eye contact I couldn’t help but squeal. Making new friends was definitely one of my aims in coming on this journey, and I ended up migrating to their group and chatting about anime and games. I felt intoxicated by the welcoming atmosphere.

‘Rickkkkkk-et-tat-et-tat-rickkkkk’ was the sound of the DLR as it went towards London Excel. It’s large glass windows allowing the view of the city to blossom before my eyes. It wasn’t the first time I’d been to London, I had actually been raised there until I was eleven and my family found it appropriate to move to the more rural countryside, to gain what my mother called ‘fresh air.’ Perhaps because I had been raised in London I wasn’t as excited as my friends were when we went deeper into the city. At that time, even now, I find the sight from the DLR unimpressive. Sure it’s a capital city with a large population, fancy buildings and an impressive infrastructure but, it’s dull and grey in my eyes. I’ve always been someone that liked green landscapes and a splash of colour, and London lacked that natural vibrancy for me.

As the train got closer to London Excel I remember it getting more and more packed with cosplayers, I almost felt sad for the elderly women sitting with her shopping bags, she probably had no idea what was going on. I could tell from the bewildered look on her face as the train was soon filled with people, all of us heading to the same thrilling destination.

I guess you can understand how I felt when we finally did get to the London Excel only to find that we couldn’t leave the station because the line was generally that long. The line went from the station and stretched into the venue area, which wasn’t a short distance. I remember freaking out and gaping at the sheer amount of people. Not to mention all of their gorgeous outfits was just thrilling to see. I recall a group that all had different sets of sharingan contact lenses and I practically leaped at them telling them how lovely their cosplays were and how amazing I thought they were. There were people dressed as game characters, anime characters to cartoon characters, I remember a friend that came with me, her only purpose was to meet a Youtuber, and she was practically screaming in joy because she saw a boy dressed as Finn from ‘Adventure Time’. My Mother was also enjoying herself, she is an avid ‘Supernatural’ fan, and when she saw a man cosplaying as Castiel the Angel she nearly cried.

 

I think a Comic con convention is the only place where I can honestly say that the line was the most exhilarating part of the event, because I got to meet so many fantastic people that shared the same interests with me.

And, as the sun shined down pleasantly on all of us brave Comic con adventurers alike, I found my heart quickening and jumping up and down because I had finally made it. That was how I completed my first Journey to a Comic-con.

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Lifestyle Editorials

The Last Sprint- “A-Level Exams”

Today I have made my last sprint.

British students, although not all, today are patting themselves on the back and screaming hallelujah to the heavens. Yes today is an amazing day where most of the British youth, aged averagely at 18, have finally done the final spurt to crossing the finish line of a marathon called A-Levels.

This marathon for myself began nearly 2 years ago, when an earnest 16 year old decided after gaining her GCSE results, filled with hope and endless expectations, to step on the starting line for preparation to University.

Of course, little did 16 year old me realise that this marathon would be a far more difficult process than I ever could’ve anticipated. It wasn’t just a change in education, a leap into a higher realm of learning, but also there was change in environment and in mentality. Through this Marathon I have gone through a journey of self-discovery and growth.

When I started My A-levels I had gotten decent-enough GCSE grades and was able to attend a grammar school that was my top choice to continue my higher studies. When I had gone to the open evening for the institution I was dumbfounded by the energy of the students, the passion of the teachers and the challenges of the subjects. So without a second thought I had excitedly grabbed my father’s arm and yelled ‘I am attending this sixthform/college.’

I had the option of picking four subjects, so I chose, Government and Politics (which I knew nothing about at the time), English (because I always had a passion for writing), Business Studies (because I liked it and did well in the subject at GCSE), and Physics (because I was obviously out of my freaking mind.)

And when the cool breeze of September came I rushed there in my neat uniform filled with endless enthusiasm, however Sixth-form was more difficult. Meeting new people and trying to make new friends (only 1 of the friends I already knew attended the same institution). Trying to keep up with the classes in general became a great difficulty for me.

I admit that there were times in this marathon that I have fallen over and cried bloody tears, felt isolated and all alone.

The marathon called A-levels had all kinds of competitors. There were the people that are so naturally intelligent that they would leave you behind in their dust, choking on their fumes; there were those that ran in groups and supported each-other and had known each other long before the race started, there were some that used their money to buy expenses cars and just drove down the race like it was nothing. I felt jealous of all these competitors.

Then it struck me. Why give up and be walked over now? These types of competitors in the marathon called A-levels are everywhere in the race called life. If I couldn’t get through this finish line I might spend eternity defeated.

So after I fell over the first time, after I cried, after I became frustrated. I picked myself back up and I decided I was going to cross that finish line with them, using my passion. I’m not the smartest person, but I make up for what I lack in buckets of effort. When I didn’t understand, couldn’t answer a question, and generally made a fool of myself, I kept trying. I kept putting the effort in.

When I got my AS level results they were the product of when I had nearly given up into defeat and depression. When I saw them I cheered, because I was a survivor, because I had gotten those not-brilliant-but-still-passable grades in a moment of defeat. And it motivated me to do even better the next year in the A2 of my A-level.

In the summer I paced myself again, I got my equipment with my pens at the ready and my folders on standby. When I began running again it was so much smoother, so much more brilliant. I was determined to get to the end of this race. Along the journey I met some of the loveliest people, I had unforgettable experiences, I ran with a smile.

Today I can tell you that I have finished this race. I have had my last sprint and ran across that finish line.

I had my last A-level business exam at 1:30 pm today. I don’t know my grades yet until August. But, I can promise you that this year I didn’t give up, I tried my hardest, that every step was filled with sweat and gritty determination. I am satisfied with myself.

The moral of this article is to never let yourself be defeated. There will always be people better than you, smarter than you, and wealthier than you. But as long as you never give up, never let the pressure get to your heart, smile until the end when you give your last sprint and cross that finishing line, then you have won.

I am glad that I have done my A levels because they have taught me life lessons that I will take into University and beyond to greater improve myself.

For the non-British reader A-levels are, as stated by Wikipedia, a  “subject-based qualification conferred as part of the General Certificate of Education, as well as a school leaving qualification offered by the educational bodies in the United Kingdom and the educational authorities of British Crown dependencies to students completing secondary or pre- university education.”

Thank you for reading my rant about my A-level experience.

 

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